Words left unspoken
by Freya's Valhalla
Summary: 'Unlike what most think, it is not his imposing presence or the slight torment in his voice when he speaks what she first notices, but rather what he does not say; it is the silence of the damned, though at the beginning, she mistakes it for deep understanding.'


_**My personal intake on Sakura's actions and thoughts during Naruto (not Shippuden). Follows canon, but kind of AUish. SasuSaku.**_

_**xxXxx**_

Unlike what most think, it is not his imposing presence or the slight torment in his voice when he speaks what she first notices, but rather what he does _not _say; it is the silence of the damned, though at the beginning, she mistakes it for deep understanding. She listens to them, the silences, and learns to discern resignation from disinterest, and interest from boredom. The looks come next. The way he lowers his chin at the sound of a hot meal waiting in others' homes and how his eyes seem to breathe hate at the sound of the word _brother_. Yet as she learns so much, she still knows so little.

She is not the only one who stalks him – at this point there is no better way to define her growing obsession –, but she bets she's the only one who listens and sees and wonders like she does. It is inevitable, thus, that the day comes when she no longer wishes to simply stare from afar, but jump into the uncanny sea that escapes her. When she does, babbling the most obnoxious thoughts and flushing deep red, it is silence and a selfless '_tss'_ she receives. She had expected no less.

The next day, she sulks in the shade of a sauce while all the other girls brag about nonsensical accomplishments as they gather flowers in bouquets. One of the future _kunoichi_, a blonde with vivid eyes whose hands won't stay still for the life of her stands out in the whirlpool of comments, and thus a rumor is born. Her mother is no longer allowed to cut her hair; every morning, she brushes it herself thoroughly until her locks can be mistaken by silk, and then she measures the length of her supposed key to paradise.

The next verbal approach occurs faster than the first, only this time she is unable to even phrase any thoughts as a boy their age with wild hair and cat-like whiskers barges at him with several insults and dares. She hides behind a nearby tree and slams her _wide_ annoying forehead against its trunk. She tries no more after that. She tells herself that maybe the universe is sending her a sign. During one of her calligraphy classes, she hears the blonde girl – whom she has learned is called Ino– say that in a year from now they will finally begin to attend class with the boys and after their graduation, will be assigned to three man teams given their skills. It is the day when she starts glancing at book covers instead of dresses and trades social life for knowledge.

Time flies by, and though she promises herself to focus primarily on her studies, she actually ends up taking a liking to Ino after a few times of engaging into small talk. There is always that dormant rivalry surging between them, of course; the awareness of the parity of their desires. But time not only brings her friendship, but also changes. Changes that make her bloom like a sunflower aching for light, and her confidence grows with her body, until there is almost no trace of the girl who used to silently endure the bullies and muffle her cries in bed with a pillow. Her transformation does not go unnoticed and as suitors line up and girls ask her about products to daub their hair with, she realizes that she has become to others what he is for her, and she smiles thinking that maybe _now_ the right time has finally come.

Her graduation exam goes smoothly; she scores the second highest in their written test and obtains a good ranking in combat stances. She is proud of her grades and wonders if he noticed her name written right under his when he looked up his results on the cork board. The team assignations are to be made the following day and sleeps eludes her the whole night as she prays to whichever god will listen to her foolish longing.

She cannot contain her shock and even greater thrill when she hears their sensei speak the two words she has come to whisper as a mantra over the years; _Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke… _together with her own. She knows, deep inside, that this is the result of the long nights spent studying combat strategies and combinations, anatomy, poisons… as well as the exhausting afternoon sessions of _taijutsu._ She has earned her place beside not only the finest _shinobi_ of their generation, but also the object of her deepest desires. Next to that, it barely matters to her at the moment that the loud blond brat is also in their team.

Throughout the last years, things have changed – _she_ has changed – yet there is no denying that once again, next to him she falters. She flushes and stammers and forms words too fast for her tongue to keep up, which plainly ends up making her look like quiet and idiot. She is not that surprised thus, when he finally tells her she is annoying, for she would have probably said so herself to anyone in her own situation. But it's in the way he says it; how his tongue rolls out the words as if she were not worth even the energy and the superiority with which he glares at her. Not everything is as it seems – _he_ has never been – but she thinks then that maybe, just maybe, he is not what he seems in the way she had thought until then.

The next time they reach out to each other they are covered in blood and she is so sure she is going to die that her legs won't stop shaking and she can't believe the kunai in her hands is still in her grip. Everything she has memorized and analyzed vanishes and the only thing left is certainty; death certainty. The fog is dense and she wishes he were in sight because despite his arrogance, he is actually pretty damn good at kicking some ass. But she cannot find him, and so she darts her eyes from one side to another, her heart pounding madly, and tells herself that everything is going to be fine, because ultimately, she is sure she has got the currently best _genin _team. It's not until she sees Naruto standing alone in the middle of the bridge that she considers he might not be that great. That he might be dead.

It is the first time she holds him; she just wishes it were under better circumstances. His blood stains her clothes and skin and his head falls limp over her arms. A scream catches in her throat and instead she pants as tears threaten to spill. Watching him, she regrets having been so useless in battle and thinks about all the things she would do differently if given the chance. When he suddenly opens his eyes and mutters her name still in pain, she cries and thanks the universe like she did the day of their team assignation.

She is not the prettiest, the strongest or even the smartest, but overall, she might be the most stubborn – more than others probably assume. So when their sensei announces that the Chunnin exam will be held soon, despite being the most frightened and bearing the biggest insecurities out of the three, she gulps her doubts down and focuses on improving her skills. Minutes blur into hours and days as she hits the wood dummy with all of her strength until her knuckles crack and her clothes are drenched in sweat. When they meet on the appointed day of the exam, he glances down at her hands, now wrapped in clean bandages and smirks. She smiles back.

The blade feels cool against her neck, but the feeling is quickly lost in a mess of tangled hair and a taste of freedom. The woman's eyes widen and she takes a step back, as if a dangerous jutsu had just been performed. She exploits her confusion, standing on her feet again and searching for strength where there's none left. It was a good decision to always wear red, as it seems she constantly ends up covered in it. They are skilled opponents, far more skilled than her and she finds herself thinking of death again, of how much she does _not_ want to die and how right now she's the only thing standing in between them and her unconscious teammates. She stares at her enemies, blood trickling down her forehead and wishes she'd done more than just smile at him before they booked a trip to hell.

The next thing she knows, Ino is standing before her with a conceited grin plastered on her face. She will never be able to make it up to her. There is much hidden behind those glares and overblown insults of hers, but she does not press the matter further. It grows clear that none of them really hoped to survive, yet they had not expected the defeated to rise. He voices her name with the upmost serenity, so calm that it undertakes the opposite effect, but she barely makes out his words as she glances at the dark marks that entangle in his skin. It is not a man that stands, but a demon instead, a shadow with so intense a light it makes her cringe

They do not speak after that. If asked, she'd say they had to focus on surviving, that there was no time to spear on small talk and further explanations. She'd be lying. In truth, she is not confident she'd be able to maintain a conservation with him that did not involve trashing and a river of tears. When they finally arrive in the household and unroll their scrolls – the scrolls they have gambled with their own lives for – she collapses on the floor, scraping the ground with her nails and he follows shortly. Something has been unleashed in those woods, a beast hidden within, and she is afraid nothing will ever be the same.

She is not a morning person, and yet she forces herself to wake up one hour before usual in order to get the freshest fruit in the market and arrive at the flowery before Ino's turn begins. He's been awake for two days now, his consciousness back thanks to the _Sannin_ princess. He has not yet spoken, but his eyes voice his thoughts in his lips' stead. She was the first he saw once awake, and she remembers the panic and confusion that marred his gaze, quickly overshadowed by fury. Still, she sees his glance linger on the newly changed flowers when he thinks she's not looking, and he holds her gaze when she offers him some food before taking it with parsimony.

She finds him wandering aimlessly – or so she thinks. It is not until she notices the Uchiha crest engraved in a wall that she realizes he has found his way to the Uchiha compound. There is an eerie feel to the place; home to the ghost of an everlasting hunt. He stands in front of his family's crest, back towards her and she hears him mumble. She cannot make out the words, though she's pretty sure she hears him chuckle. It is a private moment, intimate, of a boy facing under the full moon what's left of his ancestry, and she feels intrusive for standing so near. She calls out his name, voice trembling and he cocks his head towards her. His eyes are as red as blood and as black as the night.

Her hair flutters over her shoulders, heart pounding in her throat. She keeps calling him, pleading for him to stop walking away and acknowledge her. Yelling at him that things don't have to be this way; that he does not have to leave with the snake man; that he can stay here – with them – and be happy. It tastes as a lie the moment she utters it. He finally halts, back still facing her. Things _do_ have to be this way, things where _always_ meant to be this way, she realizes. He was never going to kiss her, never going to smile as he reached out for the _obento_ she'd prepared for him, never going to be waiting for her at home. He looks at her, eyes no longer tainted, and she thinks she can see pain in them, maybe even regret. '_You're a terrible liar, Sakura', _he whispers in her ear as he strikes her nerves and catches her as she falls.

Nothing ever is the same. She sits next to Naruto's bed, watching his chest rise and fall evenly. She is a terrible liar, but as she watches her foolish teammate doze in the hospital, his skin scarred and muscles soar, she ponders that he might be an even worse liar than herself. She only leaves his side to fetch some water, and as she comes back from one of her walks, she hears the white haired Sannin speaking to Naruto. She leans on the wall, ear glued to it. It is hard to follow the conversation, but she discerns the words '_trainin_g'_, 'three years'_ and _'Sasuke'_. She steps back, shocked by the knowledge that she will be abandoned in less than a week not by one, but two.

Maybe her mother was right. Maybe she is not cut out to be a kunoichiand would be a much better saleswoman or scholar and eventually; wife. She understands now, that what she once thought of her dream was not hers, but his. That the hours spent training under the hot sun and the parties she shunned was not done for her, but him. She has been living a long hopeless lie, etched by words left unspoken. She is sitting near the edge of the Naka River and her hands instinctively search for something to hold on to, moved by the reflexes of a well trained ninja. She picks up a small pebble and her grip tightens, memories of _kunai_ and _shuriken_ and precious effort and time soaring through her mind. Maybe she is not cut out to be a shinobi, but she will make herself be.

She becomes the _Godaime's_ apprentice on the next sunset. For the first time, she bears no ulterior motives besides wanting to improve her skill and grow strong; protect the people that have bled for her. She discovers soon that her strength is empowered by her renewed will and that falling asleep over her books every night is much more rewarding now that she desires this out of her own free accord. Naruto leaves shortly after her specialized training begins and though she wants to tell him to forget the foolish promise she asked of him, she only hugs him and later hits him in the head when he starts weeping.

Unlike what most think, it is not his imposing presence or the slight torment in his voice when he speaks what she first notices, but rather what he does _not _say; it is the silence of the damned, though at the beginning, she mistakes it for deep understanding. Now, the mystery has begun to unravel and she tells herself that the next time they meet, he will _want_ to speak. They will be no more silence.

**_xxXxx_**

_**I really don't know where this came out from, because I'm not even a SasuSaku fan. I respect it, as I do everything else, but I do not share the love for it. Anyway, maybe I'll write part 2, depending on the amount of feedback this gets. Reviews are the charm!**_


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